so here i am! a day later! are you proud of me? (: ha, even though noone will probably ever read this...
have you ever wanted to just turn your brain off and stop thinking? yeah, the inventors of television felt the same way, too. because we don't own the lovely invention of cable, i watch TV from my laptop. since i already have way too much time on my hands and i think too much, basically i'm glued to my laptop 24/7. ...it's a little, well, disconcerning. i feel so miserable with everything in my life, i can barely sit still doing nothing for 5 minutes. which makes me feel even worse because i know how much God has given me and how much he continues to give me even though i don't deserve it.
it's all just so confusing! am i supposed to feel bad for myself or realize what i have and be positive? obviously, the answer would be the latter.. but i know if i don't face the problems in my life they'll just continue to spiral downward until i can barely think straight... which is basically what i've come to now. and don't just think my only problem is the one guy, ohhhhh no. ha, i wish.
let's see. besides the guy, there's my food problem. i kinda had food problems in 8th grade. i was content with the way i look, but i knew i would never be totally happy.. so since then i started to eat more of what i like. but in the past few months, basically after my breakup, i've just been drowning my thoughts in food. the worst thing is, i never get full. so i just sit there and eat and basically watch my thighs get bigger by the day. it's extremely distracting and discouraging.
you're probably thinking, "why not just excercise?" well see i've been abnormally exhausted for a while now. i actually went to the doctor for it, but they said nothing is wrong. it's weird because i don't do anything really.. so i shouldn't be tired. so i did used to excercise.. but i just feel even more exhausted when i do i feel almost as if i just want to lie there all day.
let's seeee. there's the fact that i can't open up to people. like, there has to be something wrong with me. because of this, i alienate my family and it's really hard to have friends because it's hard for me to just share things.
phew, this is too much writing in one setting! i actually would like to get back to watching 'Sheer Genius' on realitytvfan.org to drown out my thoughts, ha!
(:
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